Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also called Compassionate Communication, is a powerful tool for peacefully resolving conflicts through empathic listening and honest self-expression. NVC empowers us to see and connect with the humanity in ourselves and others. Marshall Rosenberg created and began teaching NVC in the 1960s.
NVC is based on the assumption that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and empathy. People only resort to violence or behavior harmful to others when they do not recognize more effective strategies for meeting needs.
When practicing NVC, it helps to have lists of feelings and needs:
Empathy for ourselves and others is central to NVC. The following document summarizes ways to be empathic (and not!) and includes a list of interpretations, which are often confused with feelings.
The Compassion Course Online is a great way to learn about and practice NVC. It is a year-long course, beginning each year in June. It includes weekly emails with NVC concepts and exercises, and monthly conference calls.
Dr. Richard Schwartz created Internal Family Systems (IFS) in the 1980s. According to the IFS Institute, “IFS is a transformative tool that conceives of every human being as a system of protective and wounded inner parts led by a core Self. We believe the mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Just like members of a family, inner parts are forced from their valuable states into extreme roles within us. Self is in everyone. It can’t be damaged. It knows how to heal.”
To learn more, I recommend this video series by Dr. Tori Olds:
Authentic Relating is a set of practices that allow us to connect deeply and meaningfully with ourselves and others. Circling is one of those practices. To learn more, see What is circling? The Transformative Authentic Relating Practice and Authentic Relating & Circling: 5 principles.
Davida Shakun created wisdom sessions as a form of peer support. The sessions have a simple format that allows participants to access their innate wisdom for well-being and creativity. To learn more, visit the WisdomNet site.
Around 1980 I read Ken Wilber’s book No Boundary: Eastern and Western Approaches to Personal Growth. I lost track of Wilber’s work until my friend Katie Testa introduced me to Spiral Dynamics and Wilber’s Integral Theory, which I’m now exploring.
These disciplines teach that just as individuals go through different stages of development, so do societies. Each stage includes the capabilities and insights of the previous stage while adding new ones. Each stage is more complex.
When I talk with someone with a different worldview, I now approach the conversation with openness and curiosity. What is compelling about this person’s perspective? What truths does it contain? Can I hold this person’s perspective while continuing to hold my own? Is there a new, more complex perspective which includes both?